Victoria White, MSN

12.13.14.

Graduation Day!!

Today I graduate from an accelerated master-level nursing program. I began the program in August 2013, a short three months after graduating from the University of Georgia. At that time, I felt prepared to complete the program and confident in my ability to do well. Sixteen months later, I have no idea what I was thinking.

The program was intense and while I knew it was accelerated, I never dreamed it would be as tough as it turned out. The first semester, while we had a lot of down time, was hard because new skills and knowledge was being thrown at you to learn quickly and perfectly. Second semester brought more clinical hours, no free time, several group projects, and applying knowledge with judgement. Third semester was equivalent to the second, except our time was cut in half; this only meant we were busier. The last semester left me feeling confident, but only as a result of spending every waking hour in the hospital. These are the negatives!!

While hard, the program also brought lots of positive outcomes! I have made so many friends through this program - friends I otherwise wouldn't have even met. I've learned so much. I feel prepared to pass NCLEX and confident to safely treat patients. The tough curriculum has given me a sense of accomplishment. To sound totally privileged, this is the first program I've had to work hard to finish. Other courses just required you to do the minimum and complete tasks, but I had to work in this program. More than just course work, I had to treat people and learn those skills as well. It was tough, I won't lie. But I wouldn't have asked for it any other way.

Upon graduation, I feel clinically confident and prepared to take the next step in life and my career. I am proud to announce that I've accepted a position at Emory Healthcare on the same ICU I completed my practicum. I'm so thrilled and excited to see where this journey will lead!

Graduation day just wouldn't be complete without pictures, right?

Peace and Love,

V

Nursing Student in the ICU - Month Three

Senior Practicum ended for this nursing student on 11.23.14 - that is 3 months and 400 clinical hours since the first day I stepped onto my unit. 

In my last month of practicum, lessons learned included:

1. Bring your lunch! Seriously folks, on the morning of that third twelve-hour shift when you can't seem to hop out of bed, MAKE YOUR LUNCH! You will starve! True story!
2. Experienced nurses are amazing! The older they are, the lazier they are, which means you get to practice lots of skills. Become their friend!
3. The urethra is never where you think it should be! Like ever! Don't feel like an idiot, experienced nurses miss it too (my preceptor did!). 
4. As tired as you are, go above and beyond while you're at clinical - the boss is always watching.
5. JCo people are scary. They don't mean to be, but imagine 12 of your strictest instructors watching your every move - scary man!
6. When you have questions, ask!
7. Trust your instincts. You know what you're doing most of the time. And if not, refer to #6. 
8. Listen to your patients ..not their family. 
9. Delegation is key to time management. You can't do everything, remember that!

As I wrapped up my practicum hours, I find it absolutely insane how much more confident I feel, how much I've learned, and how much I've grown in the past three months. I started out as a student with minimal skills and lots of anxiety and I'm finishing as a soon-to-be graduate with skills and clinical confidence. I fell in love with critical care this semester and could not have asked for a better placement. My unit, preceptors, and patients have truly made this semester unforgettable. 

BlueBirds, GRU CNL Students, Class of 2014, Emory Cohort.

Peace and Love,

V

Nursing Student in the ICU - Month Two

Two months down ... only 50 days until graduation!!!

Since I always keep my promises, here is what I've learned in the last month ..

1. Restraints break! This may sound elementary, but I didn't know this was possible until a week ago. 
2. Patients are strong! They are stronger than you. You can get hurt. Protect yourself. Also, refer to number one - patients can break restraints.
3. Burnout and nurse fatigue are serious and real things y'all. Spend a couple weeks working overtime and/or getting out everyday an hour late while have 3-4 ICU patients - it's hard work and it's exhausting. 
4. Be sure to take time for yourself and do "normal" things. Watch a movie. Spend time with a friend. Read a book. Have lunch with your mom. Go to a football game. Take a hike. Go to church. Kiss a boy (or a girl, whichever). Shoot guns with your dad. (disclaimer ..this is probably a super redneck, hillbilly thing to do! Also, my pops and I actually haven't made it out there yet, but it's on the agenda.)
5. Clinical and school do not go together - you will be stressed. Breathe, everything will work out. 
6. Don't place all your hopes on one hospital. Keep your options open. Explore. Apply everywhere. You'll end up where you're suppose to.
7. Not everyone will understand that you "work". They will still expect you to have the same free-time as a student. This is not true! You have no free time anymore because all down-time is spent at the hospital. They'll understand soon.
8. Sedative medications are sent directly from heaven! Seriously, though.

The past month has been relatively tedious. I love my unit but like most other places, we are short staffed. This means that the floor is usually crazy, everyone is burnt out, and no day is smooth. I'm exhausted all the time and can't seem to catch a break. The days keep piling up, the homework piles, the projects and assignments are so super high. I have no doubt that these things will get done, but I'm tired and can't seem to stay well (yay allergies and fall bugs!). 

I'll update again soon my loves!

Peace and Love,

V

How "How I Met Your Mother" Ruined My Day

My name is Victoria and I'm a masochist. The saddest part - I never intend to bum myself out, but here I am in an incredibly bad mood. 

Why? Because of How I Met Your Mother, that's why! 

Now, everything is upsetting me. My cluttered house. The stack of homework I have yet to start. The numerous hours I still have to clock this semester. The fact that I have school TWICE this week and my school is an hour away. The fact that one of those days I have a THREE HOUR BREAK!

The anger and frustrations, while present, are only masking my true feelings. Let me start by saying that I'm grateful to be in a place where I can recognize these feelings and realize that I'm lashing out. Believe me, it use to not be this way. What are these hidden and secretive feelings? They're not so secretive. I feel alone. I feel left out. I feel isolated. I feel no one cares. I feel no matter how hard I try, I'm never going to be anyone's priority. I feel I'm losing my family. I feel my friends are walking away. 

I feel ...exhausted.

The day started incredibly uneasy. My weekend was filled with fun, cuddles, and loads of downtime with my current (a post for another day). Today, however, started with me being bailed on, me being left out, and me spending the whole day alone. In true fashion, I proceeded to watch TV all day instead of being productive. Netflix has recently released the last season of How I Met Your Mother and I've been so anxiously waiting to find out how Ted and Tracy meet!

Anyhow, I'm minding my own business, camped out in the living and scarfing down Chinese food when THIS happens!

Tracy is at a bar and this guy, Louis, buys her a drink and proceeds to ask her out. The dialogue is as follows:

Louis: "So, do you want to get dinner sometime?"

Tracy: "Louis, you're really nice, but I was in love with somebody a long time ago and he died."

Louis: "Oh, I'm sorry"

Tracy: "No, I'm sorry. It's silly, but it's like the first lottery ticket I ever bought was kaboom, jackpot, and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to win again, not like that anyway. So I don't generally buy lottery tickets anymore."

This is exactly how I feel and I'm almost positive this is the reason I'm so reserved in my current relationship. Actually, I'm pretty positive this feeling is the reason behind most things I do. 

For example, my current and I have had many downs! He's not perfect, nor have I ever claimed him to be. Please note that I'm not excusing previous behavior, but we're working through things and we'd appreciate support. We fight .. a lot! We think completely differently. We have completely different aspirations and completely different plans for the future. But he loves me! The closer I feel he gets, the more fights I pick and the faster I run. Why? Because I already won the lottery so obviously I'm just going to get hurt, right? I'm one of those old-fashioned, you-only-get-one kinda thinkers. I already had my one. There shouldn't be any more, right?

That's my thought! I don't know if Corey is right for me and if we're destined to be together, but how am I ever going to find out if I keep holding on to someone who isn't here? I'm not! Even with this realization, I can't seem to let Danny go. He's such a vital part of who I am and the person I want to be.

How do you let that go? How does one live life without that part of you? How does one give herself completely to another when part of her has died?

I don't know the answers to these questions. Nor do I know if a future relationship can be had with these questions unanswered. Then again, I always felt that when the right person came along ..things with him and I and Danny's memory would just work out.

I'm thoroughly upset though and thoroughly confused. My heart aches ..for comfort, closeness, closure, and peace. 

 Peace and Love, 

V

Mornin' Y'al!

Morning y'all! 

Happy Tuesday!

I can't begin to explain the joy and peace I woke up with this morning. Why am I so overwhelmed with happiness? It's the middle of the semester, I have a million and one things to accomplish today, and my love life is on the rocks.

So.

Why?

Because today is a simply beautiful day. I WOKE UP! I'm able to walk and talk and breathe on my own. The morning is gorgeous. The air is crisp and cool. The sun is breaking through the dark, night sky. I have food in my fridge and coffee on the counter.

I am BLESSED beyond measure!

Is everything perfect? Absolutely not.

Is everything going my way? Definitely not.

I'm alive though! I have the capability and opportunity to live. Do you know how many people are denied that opportunity? How many people are waking up today without the ability to breathe on their own, to speak, to move their own bodies? Millions!

I'm blessed with the ability to live life! So why shouldn't I be happy? Why shouldn't I get up at 6am to freeze on the patio and contemplate how great life is?

Today's a great day. We're all blessed to have it. So live it. Love it. Today will never come again!

Peace and Love

V

"Meal Prep Monday" ...went a smidge awry

Monday - The first day of the week. The day to plunge into the weekly task list.

Fortunately for me, I generally don't work Monday, which is absolutely amazing since it allows me adequate time to rest after the busy weekend, get a jump start on weekly assignments, and most of all meal prep!

Disclaimer: I use to be really, really, really into health. As in, I counted calories like it was my job, ensured I had well-balanced meals, etc. Then. Danny died. I know I go back to that marker in my life a lot, but that's when things changed. Anyhow, as of lately, my diet has consisted of take-out and fast food and it is taking me entirely too long to get back into a semi-healthy lifestyle. But never fear, I'm not the type to give up without a fight.

This weekend has been exceptionally "fall-like"; cooler weather, wind blowing, etc. This always throws me in the mood for southern comfort food. I've taken that concept and ran ...maybe a little too far. Then again, how wrong is pumpkin and chili? And if that's wrong, I don't think I wanna be right!

First on the list: PUMPKIN SPICE COFFEE CREAMER! I know this isn't really a "meal prep" item, but hello! PUMPKIN SPICE! It literally turns coffee into heaven. I swear, y'all. And at only 15 calories a pop, I'll take it!

Next, bring on the homemade apple butter. Don't dock me for the lack of "progress" pictures, I was in a hurry. It is delicious, though! Seriously, y'all. Swipe a tad on cinnamon raisin bagel thins and BAM! Go here to find the recipe.

Peanut Butter Dip - this can make the angels sing! Apples are in season so they already taste amazing. Add this to those apple slices and here you have a delicious 150 calorie snack. Now the whole wide world is jealous of you! Recipe

PUMPKIN SCONES! Amazing. Point. Blank. Period. Find the recipe here!

Finally, lets wrap up the weekly goodies with chicken chili and cornbread! Recipe

Now that meals and snacks are prepped and stored away, bring on the week! The headache that is nursing school. And the amazing satisfaction of caring for people who need my help!

Peace and Love

V

Nursing Student in the ICU - Month One

Tomorrow marks one month since I started my practicum at Emory's ICU. Crazy, right?

AND! There is only 82 more days until I'm officially graduated!! (: Totally insane!

The ICU is definitely intense. But as crazy and hectic as it is, it feels like home. I find comfort in the chaos. Looking back at the month I've spent here, it's crazy how much I've learned!

To name a few (in no particular order of course) ...

1. Bring your lunch - always! Even when you don't feel like packing a lunch, pack one anyways! As a nurse, you never get a lunch break. Most days your lunch is split in 5-minute increments of you scarfing down something before Patient Z needs something and another 5-minute session before Patient Y needs something else. AND it never fails that the ONE DAY you don't bring anything, you get caught up with a procedure or a patient crashing and the cafeteria closes before you get down there.
2. Critical patients don't always appear critical - pay attention and do your assessments accurately and thoroughly. 
3. Monitor your patients! This may sound like an easy-peasy thing to learn, but I'm so serious. As a nurse, you get so caught up in what you're doing that it's easy to forget you have another patient. Always set your monitors to view both! (:
4. Alarm fatigue is something serious! Just pay attention.
5. Family members are meaner than the patients. Don't let them get to you! Remember it's THEIR mother/father/husband/wife/son/daughter/friend that's critically ill. They get to be a little rude.
6. Confused patients are aggressive. And strong! Deal with them early and get help promptly from the mid-levels. Ativan is wonderful. Versed is even better!
7. Versed is for sedation. Fentanyl is for pain and sedation.
8. Quiet patients aren't always better! Again, assess thoroughly, adequately and frequently.
9. When performing oral care, be sure to suction the patient's mouth! This may sound like a "duh!" thing, but I totally didn't do this the first time and almost choked my patient. So. Seriously. Suction y'all!
10. Always assess drains and dressings ..and change immediately when about half full/saturated. No seriously. Watch those things! It's a NIGHTMARE to clean up if you don't!
11. Never give Vancomycin and Zosyn together! They're not compatible - make sure you have a separate lumen or another IV site and DO NOT use a Y-connector!
12. EVERYONE has lots of monitors, lots of wires, and lots of IV lines. Untangle them frequently - trust me, it's a hassle but it makes life easier. 
13. Label all of your lines - the day it needs to be changed AND the medicine it's used for!
14. Never let your lines run dry. It takes so much more work to re-prime lines because of an air bubble. So...just don't do it!
15. Always get help when turning patients. Seriously! Don't kill yourself over that 300lb man! Just find a team of people - or hell, get a sling and let the machine do it. 
16. Chart everything and frequently! This totally covers your ass when and if something goes wrong!
17. You never forget the first patient of yours to die. Never. Ever. And you'll have nightmares about it. But please remember, you did all that you could.
18. Nothing...and I mean, NOTHING beats the feeling of seeing a patient that was crashing and on total life support a week ago sitting up, talking, and telling you that he/she appreciates everything you've done and are doing for him/her. 
19. I have yet to meet a healthcare member in ICU that doesn't believe in God. I don't know how you couldn't believe after seeing the miracles we see every week. 

4 weeks and this is what I've learned. 

I feel like a "nurse" now! Which is absolutely crazy. I'm still a student and there is a mountain of things I don't know yet or how to do yet, but things are familiar now. Things are clicking now! And that's a level I questioned achieving. I doubted time after time that I'd get the hang of it. But I am and for that, I'm entirely grateful. There is nothing in this world I'd rather be doing.

Peace and Love,

V