American Widow Project - I guess this is real life.

This past weekend started like any normal Saturday. I slept in. I laid around in my bed. I tried to forget that the past few months actually existed. My roommate and I laid around the apartment watching movies - to say it was a lazy Saturday would be an understatement. That is until I checked the mail. In the mailbox, I found a package from the American Widow Project. I had never heard of them before and was a bit skeptical of how they got my information. Danny was super private, as am I, and his service in general was, for the most part, under lock and key. He served this country with the humblest attitude I've ever witnessed. He never wanted recognition for his service nor wanted benefits that came from his service - not until we were in a place where we needed them. He never took military discounts or anything because he always said we didn't need those right now; he'd always say that we shouldn't take advantage of these options because one day we'll need them and they might not be there. He was so selfless. I think that's one of the things about him that made him such a great soldier.

This package contained a documentary of six young military widows much like myself. We're all in our early 20s, some married and some engaged, some with children and some without, but none-the-less we all have been given this title of a military widow. Their stories were so relatable and I found pieces of my stories in each of theirs. Danny and I wanted children - lots of children, but I guess it wasn't in the cards. He was my best friend and although we weren't married doesn't take away from the fact that he was the love of my life. I find myself irrational and frustrated and angry at everything. Its not that I'm actually angry, I'm just frustrated at the world for taking him away from me so soon and frustrated at the fact that my life isn't going to turn out the way I wanted; the way we wanted. I'm never going to be that carefree girl that was always happy. I may be happy again one day, but I'll never be as happy as I was or as happy as I could be. There's a sadness in my eyes that I cannot seem to shake.

The package also contained a "military widow" logo pin. This pin will always be with me. Without saying a word, it shouts my status as a military widow. I, like many others, never asked for this title of a military widow - yet its the label I've been given. Its a label I'd like to forget that explains a love too strong for Earth. A title that explains the heartache I've endured and the pain I'm continually faced with day in and day out. This pin shouts that I am proud of my fiance - his service, his sacrifice, his life. I never claim he was a perfect man, but he was perfect for me. This pin tells of my strength and of his heroism - without having to say a word. Which, for all though that know me, is something I'm grateful for. I love talking about him, about us, about his service even. However, once the conversation turns to the attack, I break!

I'm extremely grateful to the American Widow Project for their generous gift during this difficult time in my life. If you're interested, please go here for more information. From what I've gathered, there are many ways to get involved if you are, like me, a military widow. I'm not really sure all the different outlets you can get involved in, but when I find out, y'all will know. Also, if your not a military widow and would like to help other military widows, there are those options as well. Check them out! Please. Please. Please. This organization sounds amazing and I wonder why I'm just now learning about it.

Until Next Time - stay safe, stay strong, keep your head up and keep pressing on

-V-