Spooktacular Weekend ... With the Scouts of Course !

Where have I been this weekend?! Only camping with the best little brother and daddy in the whole wide world! This weekend the Cub Scouts always go camping and the Boy Scouts go and help keep everything running well! This is the first weekend I've gotten to go with them, or was invited to go with them - which is weird because well, I love camping! Anyway, I have very mixed emotions about the happenings of this weekend. I mean it is the scouts so there was a lot of military people (and veterans) there and a lot of militant-type events that went down! It was actually a little much considering the week I had just had, but hearing from Danny did make it a little bit more bearable than I'm sure it would have been!

First things first, we get to the camp and start setting up everything - you know the tent, the chairs, all our clothes, yada yada yada. Me being the spoiled daddy's girl that I am, literally sat on the picnic table at our campsite and watched Jonathan rake the rocks and acorns out, Jonathan and my dad drag out the tent, and the two of them unpack the truck! I did help Jonathan put up the tent .. AND .. unpacked all the stuff inside the tent and set up the pallets for us all to sleep in! I'm not kidding, it looked like the redneck Holiday Inn! (: But then what do you do for the rest of the day?! Well, on a normal family trip, we'd go fishing or hiking or do something together, but since Jonathan had to do this, that, and the other with scouts we just stayed around the campsite. So, I proceeded to lay on the dock (and get more sun than I've gotten all summer mind you!), read a little, write a little, find some nature trails..you know the works! It was fun, it was relaxing, but to be real - made me miss Danny a whole hell of a lot! That much "me-time" had my mind racing! Nighttime was by far the worse part because A) it was freezing! and B) the one person who I want to warm me up is halfway around the world! Not that my dad would've let Danny stay in our tent, more less sleep with me - but one can dream right?! And for the record, super cold and deployment insomnia DO NOT MIX WELL! I literally didn't fall asleep until after midnight (not too bad for a night at home, but hella late for camping trips) and woke up before 4am!! To say I didn't sleep well would be an understatement!

I had big plans of getting up early Saturday to watch the sunrise and the scouts raise the flag, but it was just so dang cold I didn't move for a good LONG minute. I probably spent an hour staring at the ant crawling on the outside of the tent! When I did get up though, I got straight to work! Mr. Stacey was cooking breakfast (a mountain man - which is like sausage, eggs, cheese, with a biscuit baked on top) I put cinamon buns in the "oven" and started chopping onions and peppers and mushrooms and tomatoes in prep for the fajitas we were having for supper! Then, me and Ms. Kim stuffed Halloween bags and then we made brownies for the Pack Lunch. Then I turned into a complete boy working on the catapult for the pumpkin chunkin. It was actually really fun, even though we didn't have enough weight to chunk the bowling balls. But the boys seem to have a blast!

Saturday was also filled with a lot of militant type events. Not really, but it was really organized and patriotic and I thought of no one other than Danny throughout it all! They had a ceremony to lower the flag and then had a ceremony after dark to retire flags! I literally cried through the later because they spoke about all the men and women who died in battle and then started listing out the all the battles we've fought in - a girl can't hold it in forever! I was literally in a funk the rest of the night! Paula (her husband is a contractor in Afghanistan right now) started random conversations with me about Danny and his (our?!) plans after he gets home! This might sound a little weird, but I don't actually like bringing Danny up when he's deployed - just because it makes me really sad and I start thinking about where he is! Its really difficult for me so I just keep it all to myself! BUT .. if you ask about him and get me talking about him, I can chat your ear off about what an amazing man he is, and how strong he is, and how perfect I think he is, and about how he's trying to do this and that when he gets home. Once I start talking, I can't stop and while I'm talking about him I'm a bit calmer! It's the after effect that kills me! lol.

I didn't stay Saturday night because I needed to be at church Sunday but more importantly because it was suppose to be COLDER! Georgia weather is seriously messed up! Like it is only October, it should not feel like its winter already!! 

Funny stories and pictures will come soon!! I promise! (:

Until Next Time - stay safe, stay strong, keep your head up and keep pressing on

-V-

No. Fun.

I am 21 years old. That is all. There is absolutely no reason I should feel this old; this worn out; this burnt out on life. Everything has been getting to me lately. Danny being deployed. My family's health issues. My own health issues - and the fact that no one on the face of the planet can tell me what's wrong with me! School - I'm graduating May 2013 and then what?! What happens if I can't get into nursing school .. or a graduate program. That sets Danny and me back a good few years! Or does it?! And let's be real, all I want at the moment is to get married all ready, be with him as much as I can (even though the Army dictates EVERYTHING!), have a family with him! But the thought of our future together always brings the terrible questions - what if he doesn't come home?! What am I going to do then with no job, no degree to support myself or a potential family?!

Its no fun to always question. Its no fun to worry that nothing will turn out the way you plan! And everyone just says "Stay Strong", "He'll come home", "Just have faith". Well for starters, I think I'm pretty damn strong - just saying, I think I keep myself together pretty dang well considering everything that is going on. But at the end of the day, I can only stay strong for so long. I am only human! I know I joke about being "supergirl" and being able to handle it all, but I can't. No one can! And no one knows if he'll come home. Not him. Not me. Not the army. NO ONE! We all HOPE he's coming home, and we all PRAY he'll come home. But there is absolutely no guarantee of this! And I know that statement probably pissed a few folks off, but its the truth! No one is sure of anything. Its not a guarantee that I'll even wake up in the morning, so how can you promise me he'll be home! YOU CANNOT! Faith - I'm all one for faith. That and trust in God has gotten me through a lot! But times like this, faith doesn't even seem to be enough - but maybe I just need to find a little more!

I know I sound like Ms. Debbie Downer, but I've never had a good feeling about this deployment. Although its our second one, something about this go around has felt different. And to make matters worse, I rarely hear from him - that does not help ladies and gentlemen! I chalked up my apprehensions about this tour as some subconscious anxiety since he was hurt before. And I was really naiive about the last one - like I knew what he was suppose to be doing but I never thought, even for a second, that he would get hurt. Maybe it was because I had a lot of things go down here as he was leaving and left or maybe because I knew Iraq had calmed down a lot - regardless, its a lot harder this go around. I seriously feel like I sent him off to get injured! This my friends, is the worse feeling I could ever have imagined.

until next time - stay safe, stay strong, keep your head up and keep pressing on

-V-

We Chose This - Now How Do We Cope?!

We don't! :/

A lot of the time I find myself blaming the Army for sending him away, for leaving me here alone, for all the stress in my life. But at the end of the day, we BOTH chose this life and we knew what we were getting into.

Danny CHOSE to enlist. That was his decision. No matter what anyone said, would've said, should've said .. he was going to enlist! This is his passion in life and he is pursuing this dream the best he can. And for that I'm so proud of him. It's rather attractive actually. I, however, did not sign the dotted line giving my life to the Army. I did agree to stand by him though when I entered into this relationship. We both knew that he was stationed out of state. We both knew that he could potentially get PCSed somewhere else - maybe even further away! We both knew the dangers associated with his career. We both knew that injuries could happen - and for us it did. We also knew deployments WOULD come. They are just unavoidable. We didn't expect he'd have to deploy twice within such a short amount of time though; it's actually really rare that this happen I hear. But after all, it is the Army..they kinda do what they want.

Regardless, I know I complain a lot about our situation! I hate that he's gone a lot and I hate that now that he's deployed, the weather and the Army and everything else it seems dictate when and how often we're able to talk to each other or even email each other! Its hard! Let's be blunt - he's in a war zone! Everyday he goes into combat and everyday something could happen! That's the reality of his deployment; hell, any deployment! And what am I suppose to do?! Go absolutely crazy worrying?! I've already aced that one! Its hard being left behind and knowing what he's suppose to be doing and then not hearing from him for weeks at a time! Come on now! How are you suppose to stay calm?! Uhh - you're not! I'm a nervous wreck every second of every minute of every hour of every day he's over there!

My mind goes into crazy overdrive with all these "what-ifs". Seriously though! What if he gets hurt again?! What if its more serious this time and gets a medical discharge or is permanently disabled?! How will we handle everything - finances, future children, everything?!?! What if its worse - he doesn't make it home?! What will I do without him?! I've built my whole future on this relationship. I honestly don't know how I'll go on! I pride myself as being an independent girl and I believe this is still true. But I love him so much that if he were to pass, I don't know how I'll survive. What if this deployment affects him like the last one?! We worked through the last one; yes, it got ugly sometimes but we got through it. Will we be that lucky twice?! I absolutely hate these questions. These feelings. They haunt me.

until next time - stay safe, stay strong, keep your head up and keep pressing on

-V-

Halloween Has Been Shipped .. all the way to Afghanistan

Deployments suck. They just do. There is no if, ands, or buts about it! They're ridiculously hard. They stress your relationship, they can drive anyone to drink, and they are notorious for sending a perfectly sane person crazy waiting for a skype date, a phone call, an email ..hell, a postcard. I'm not going to say there is an "upside" to deployment .. because I really can't think of one. Let's be real, he's fighting in a war zone and I'm sitting in my apartment having petty arguments with a roommate and blogging my life away (and this is just the randomness that has been done tonight!). I mean really though, how is this fair?! He should be here!

When he's gone, I do everything possible to make sure he knows how much I care, that I'm still here for him, that I love him, that I'm not going anywhere! I send care-packages galore. I send letters and emails and cards. Literally, I send him the world in a box or envelope. And even though I'm not really girly, I send a lot of girly gifts like Hello Kitty coloring books and pink cookies - you know, just so for that one moment when he opens it, I know he's thinking about me! I mean, I'm pretty positive he thinks about me a lot. We are getting married sooner or later and he calls and emails whenever he can. Its just nice to KNOW know. Ya know?!

Care-packages are seriously the funnest things to make - that is if you can put out of your head for a minute or two that it's going to Afghanistan! I'm pretty much a pro by now at putting his where-abouts in the back of my mind. Any.way. with Halloween right around the corner, what better way to say "Happy Halloween" than a wonderfully decorated care-package. Right?!

What's in it you ask?!

• (2) Halloween boxes with protein bars and cutesy Halloween cups and hot chocolate
• One for him ... One for his friend of course!
• LOTS of Halloween bags. You know, for his friends! (:
• What's in them?!
• Milk Duds - Danny likes them. And even if they melt, they'll melt together. No harm, no fowl.
• M&Ms - the hard shell protects them from melting too much.
• Tootsie Rolls.
• KitKats - yeah, these might melt. But Danny LOVES them! ..oh well. haha.
• Chocolate is a pretty tricky thing to send overseas because it tends to melt. I've always heard the rule that you should only send it between October and March ..but I still worry! :/ 
• Rule of Thumb: just be aware of what you're sending, where its going, etc!
• Cookies! Snickerdoodle of course! Isn't that some kind of fall-like cookie?! I mean it has cinnamon. 
• Danny isn't too big on sweets, but he says when he's overseas, he loves to have something sweet - like a little taste of home. I guess you never miss what's always around you.
• Letters. Letters. and more letters!
• Kissed and sprayed with perfume of course! ;)
• "Care cards" - a card for an emotion he may be feeling and inside each one there is a quote or message or something to make him feel better!
• PICTURES!
• I always send pictures in these boxes. I know its hard being away so I want him to feel like he's still here .. for everything! Because I know he would be if he could!
• Halloween decorations.





• Literally, deployed military men (women too) turn into 12 year old boys! (For his birthday, I sent a Nerf gun..oh dear Lord, the stories I've heard! smh.) I can already picture the pranks that will be pulled with the fake spiders, rats, etc.

Here's the boxes ..

In the making ..

And after .. 

With cards on top ?! of course! (:

*of course I also added captions to most of the pictures! like ..

"Look Uncle! I'm standing now!!"

"This is me, missing you!"

"I love you .. even more than I love Luke"

"Downtown - wish you were here!"

...I think y'all get it! I'm a big sappy, cheeseball! But only when it comes to him! ;)

until next time - stay safe, stay strong, keep your head up and keep pressing on

-V-

Luke! Luke! Luke!

I'm not sure many of you are aware of my deep, way-too-realistic love for Luke Bryan. The man is legitimately the sexiest man I know; aside from Danny of course ..but it's a close race! haha, seriously though! Danny is actually kinda weird about this whole thing .. in his words, "if it ever came down to me and him, you'd probably choose him and I'm not sure I like that" lmao. He has a point though! IT'S LUKE BRYAN! I'm just playing. Danny knows I love him! If two deployments didn't change that, I'm pretty sure Luke won't!

Because of the amazing man he is, Luke does a Farm Tour every year to give super small towns a "big night" or a "big event" to look forward to and from what I've heard, he takes the money and uses it to give scholarships to farmer's kids so they can pay for college. This is just amazing to me. I grew up in a really small town where the biggest thing to happen while I was growing up was the Wal-Mart being built and the bowling alley ..that wasn't even in my town really, but we claim it haha. And as a granddaughter of a farmer and the daughter of parents that struggled, I know how important it is to have a college education. Furthermore, as a college student, I know how expensive it is to better yourself in this manner! It's hard to think about your life, at 21 and graduating in a few months, and think you've accomplished barely anything but a mountain-high pile of debt! It's not a great feeling! So props to Luke for all he is doing!

The Farm Tour strolled into Athens last Thursday night! (: And since my handsome boyfriend is in Afganistan and has some sort of haterazzi thing with my man, I dragged my sister with me!

Even with all the love I have for Luke, I seriously didn't even want to go though. But Danny will never ever ever hear of this! I woke up that morning with anxiety out the walls. My stomach literally felt like it was about to plunge from my insides, my head hurt, I was sad, and all I wanted was to know if Danny was alright. However, I promised my sister we'd go, so I sucked it up (like I'm always doing these days) and off to the concert we went. We even got there three hours before the gates even opened so we could be at the stage and then once we were in, we proceeded to stand until 7p when the openers started! Luke didn't even come on until 9:30p!! Oh the craziness I do.

But as bad as I felt, it doesn't even come close to the mess we witnessed! By 5p (remember we had just walked into the gate) many many many people were already drunk! And I don't mean slightly tipsy, I'm talking full-fledged WASTED! This one couple in front of us were so trashed, the girl couldn't stand up straight and kept falling into the stage and the two of them were practically having sex right there! Literally, I saw way to much boobs and butt for my liking! lol.

During the concert, Luke totally grabbed my hand! Like fully grabbed it! And my knees may or may not have given out on me and I may or may not have fallen backwards on my sister. And Luke may or may not have chuckled at me! Y'all know the chuckle! That oh so sexy chuckle and grin that boy has! Oh ..and.. he totally threw a coozie at me! And it may have gone down my shirt!! (: See, Luke does love me!! Yes! Yes, he does!!

All in all, I'm really glad I went. I would've regretted not going! Danny would've been pissed if I didn't go (because he would've known I didn't go because he's deployed. That boy knows I'd choose a Luke concert over a telephone call when he's just sitting in the barracks!) I don't like to say that my life revolves around the army because it really doesn't. Danny's life does though and since we're together, by default, half of my life revolves around the military life too! That's just how it is! I hate it but it's true! So I stay stressed and I stay home a lot and I don't have many friends anymore (because I just worry all the time) and I spend hours and days and weeks preparing the best care-package ever so he knows I'm still here and I care and there's not one place I go where I don't think it'd be 10X better if he were here. I went to the concert, but the whole time I was thinking "I'm having fun, what if he's hurt?!".

I did pick him up a few things! Not that he'll probably appreciate them .. but he'll use them because I got them FOR HIM! So even while I was staring at one of the sexiest men on the planet, I was still thinking of my man! The one God made just for me!

Like seriously?! The best girlfriend award goes to ... yours truly. (:

This isn't the coozie he threw at me by the way (that one is safely being preserved in my room).

And now for some pictures .. 

Me and my sister (I'm on the right...the one with all the curls)

My baby in action! Sexy man!

He was giving us the low-down on why he loves doing Farm Tours. One of the many reasons I fell in love. haha.

He's just so pretty .. I could cry!

Damn son! Y'all see all them teeth?!?! It's no wonder half the world in is love with him!

And he enjoys what he does, sexxxxxy ! ;)

until next time - stay safe, stay strong, keep your head up and keep pressing on

-V-

oh good Lord .. what have I done?!

October 2, 2012 .. I may or may not have made the biggest mistake! :/

So me, being the best girlfriend in. the. world, spent all Tuesday morning..and well part of the afternoon baking Danny cookies and rice krispies and all sorts of goodies to send to him and his buddies! (: And well, since I'm a pretty awesome person...I threw in a little for a couple of my MilSOs ..I told y'all they were important people! Any.way. I was sitting at the kitchen table writing cutesy love notes to my baby and Darren ..cause Danny's friends, especially his army friends and even more especially his deployed friends are my friends too...duhh! So I'm sitting at the kitchen table writing these out and my roommate was "attempting" to study..I say attempting because she really spent all morning sitting around laughing at me spending so much time cutting the rice krispies into hearts and going on and on about the color of my cookies and how I thought they were too burnt to send anywhere except the trashcan; I made homemade rice krispies and homemade chocolate chip cookies ..but I turned the cookies pink and the bottoms were slightly too brown - when it comes to baking I'm a mad hardcore perfectionist! She actually used the phrase "I knew you loved Danny, but I didn't realize how much until now!" I've made tons of care-packages before, but this is the first one she's witnessed.

So back to the story..sorry I'm all over the place tonight ! I'm writing the letters and Mandi asked if she could write them a note. And what am I gonna say?! no?! They're deployed..they need all sorts of loving, encouraging letters!! (: I go and pull out all of stationary, seriously I have like a box/bag full, and let her pick out cards and markers and sticker..the works! Then she proceeded to spend AN HOUR trying to decide what to write to this boyy! Seriously..not even playing! Only to end up tell him that he's weird! I wish I could make this up! (even as I'm writing this..she's sitting across from me stressing about whether or not he'll think she's crazy or strange - I don't even know!)

I'm sure Darren - and Danny - will love her letters! But...

1. I wish she wouldn't stress so much! Darren's a really awesome person and is going to love anything..ANYTHING...anyone sends him! Regardless of how cheesy it is or sounds! That's just the man he is!
2. Her letter was sweet ..what's to worry about?!
3. Darren likes her too!! Did we forget that part?!
4. WHAT HAVE I DONE?! I feel like I'm encouraging my best friend to be in a military relationship! They are NOT easy! They are NOT like the movies! They are stressful, and lonely, and well, just plain difficult! Even the best of couples are tested once one goes military! Why would I put my best friend though this crap I'm going through?!?! It doesn't make sense!

...I do want her to be happy though..so if things with this boy do work out..I will be supportive! I just have a really hard time setting this up knowing how difficult this relationship will inevitably be! :(

Here's her letters! (: ..sorry the picture quality suuuuckkkkkkks!!

until next time - stay safe, stay strong, keep your head up, and keep pressing on

-V-

MilSO .. you mean they do exist ?!

Military Wife. Military Fiance. Military Girlfriend. Military Boyfriend. Military Mom. Dad. Brother. Sister. Son. Daughter. Uncle. Aunt. Cousin. Friend. Call it what you will, every where you go, someone somewhere is directly affected by a member in the military. These relationships, I won't lie, are hard. They demand a large amount of understanding, faithfulness, trust, commitment. However, these relationships are the most rewarding because you realize just how deeply you feel towards that person ..and in the military, you're forced to find this out much quicker than with a normal "civilian".

But what is a MilSO?! Why are they so important?! Do they even exist?! - the normal questions someone who is not dating/married to a military man or woman. Hell, I didn't even really know this was a real group of people until a few months ago and I've been an army girlfriend for almost three years now! A milSO is a military significant other; they can be a girlfriend, boyfriend, fiance, husband or wife.

But why are they so special?! So different from regular relationships?! Military couples, in my opinion, are the strongest couples around. It a hard journey to walk together which is why I feel the divorce/breakup rate in the military is so much higher than civilian couples. I of course can only speak for myself, but I've been with Danny almost three years now and I can honestly say its been the happiest, saddest, stressful, amazing three years I've ever had. We've had a long distance relationship since we started dating and that only adds to the stress. But as a soldier, he goes where the army sends him; where ever that may be, no questions asked. We faced a deployment and an injury during that deployment. We've survived my really bad car accident - one that even the doctors say I was fortunate to survive. (Side note: this is what they told Danny too after the accident. You know us though. We're some fighters.) We've dealt and are still dealing with an illness of mine that doctor's have yet to diagnose. And to top it off, we're currently facing our second deployment. And while we're being honest, it sucks to have to face this all alone.

This is where milSOs come into play! In this place of sadness and crazy happiness and insane emotional roller-coaster, I constantly feel like no one understands where I'm coming from. And usually they don't. I live no where near an Army post or Marine base or Air Force base or Navy base. I live smack-dab in the middle of thousands of college students whose only care in the world is whether or not they have a date Friday night or a group to go downtown with on Thursday. They should worry about those things at this point in their lives. But, that's not my life. My life is centered around whether my boyfriend is safe today, if he's alive, if he's survive the attack I've been hearing about on the news, if he was involved in that attack, when he's coming home, etc. This is my life and my friends don't understand this because they don't have to live it. However, my wonderful friends who are in military relationships, my milSOs, they always understand where I'm coming from and usually have kick @ss advice about how to handle every situation. They are amazing. Hands down.

Thinking back at things, I have no earthly idea what I did or how I survived Danny's first deployment or his injury without these ladies. Granted, being in a military relationship stateside is still hard, but deployments are even harder because I'm not allowed to call him whenever I want or text him or, especially this time, skype with him, and let's not forget the constant danger and fighting. The point is, now that I've made these friendships, I'm probably a lot more sane that I would be; especially this deployment where Danny and I don't get to talk as much.

Every time I have a question concerning Army things or need crafty, care package ideas, these are the ladies I turn to and they've always been more than willing to help a sister out! It takes a strong man to stand up and fight for his country, but I'm a firm believer that it takes a helluva strong woman to love him, to stand by him through health and injury (seen and unseen), to keep the house and family and everything else running smoothly and normally as it does when he's home. And that's what we do! We stand strong so our men can stand stronger! But we can only stand strong with support from one another!This really is a sisterhood. A tiny little gang that not everyone is able to join.

Until Next Time - stay safe, stay strong, keep your head up and keep pressing on

-V-