Nursing Student in the ICU - Month Two

Two months down ... only 50 days until graduation!!!

Since I always keep my promises, here is what I've learned in the last month ..

1. Restraints break! This may sound elementary, but I didn't know this was possible until a week ago. 
2. Patients are strong! They are stronger than you. You can get hurt. Protect yourself. Also, refer to number one - patients can break restraints.
3. Burnout and nurse fatigue are serious and real things y'all. Spend a couple weeks working overtime and/or getting out everyday an hour late while have 3-4 ICU patients - it's hard work and it's exhausting. 
4. Be sure to take time for yourself and do "normal" things. Watch a movie. Spend time with a friend. Read a book. Have lunch with your mom. Go to a football game. Take a hike. Go to church. Kiss a boy (or a girl, whichever). Shoot guns with your dad. (disclaimer ..this is probably a super redneck, hillbilly thing to do! Also, my pops and I actually haven't made it out there yet, but it's on the agenda.)
5. Clinical and school do not go together - you will be stressed. Breathe, everything will work out. 
6. Don't place all your hopes on one hospital. Keep your options open. Explore. Apply everywhere. You'll end up where you're suppose to.
7. Not everyone will understand that you "work". They will still expect you to have the same free-time as a student. This is not true! You have no free time anymore because all down-time is spent at the hospital. They'll understand soon.
8. Sedative medications are sent directly from heaven! Seriously, though.

The past month has been relatively tedious. I love my unit but like most other places, we are short staffed. This means that the floor is usually crazy, everyone is burnt out, and no day is smooth. I'm exhausted all the time and can't seem to catch a break. The days keep piling up, the homework piles, the projects and assignments are so super high. I have no doubt that these things will get done, but I'm tired and can't seem to stay well (yay allergies and fall bugs!). 

I'll update again soon my loves!

Peace and Love,

V

How "How I Met Your Mother" Ruined My Day

My name is Victoria and I'm a masochist. The saddest part - I never intend to bum myself out, but here I am in an incredibly bad mood. 

Why? Because of How I Met Your Mother, that's why! 

Now, everything is upsetting me. My cluttered house. The stack of homework I have yet to start. The numerous hours I still have to clock this semester. The fact that I have school TWICE this week and my school is an hour away. The fact that one of those days I have a THREE HOUR BREAK!

The anger and frustrations, while present, are only masking my true feelings. Let me start by saying that I'm grateful to be in a place where I can recognize these feelings and realize that I'm lashing out. Believe me, it use to not be this way. What are these hidden and secretive feelings? They're not so secretive. I feel alone. I feel left out. I feel isolated. I feel no one cares. I feel no matter how hard I try, I'm never going to be anyone's priority. I feel I'm losing my family. I feel my friends are walking away. 

I feel ...exhausted.

The day started incredibly uneasy. My weekend was filled with fun, cuddles, and loads of downtime with my current (a post for another day). Today, however, started with me being bailed on, me being left out, and me spending the whole day alone. In true fashion, I proceeded to watch TV all day instead of being productive. Netflix has recently released the last season of How I Met Your Mother and I've been so anxiously waiting to find out how Ted and Tracy meet!

Anyhow, I'm minding my own business, camped out in the living and scarfing down Chinese food when THIS happens!

Tracy is at a bar and this guy, Louis, buys her a drink and proceeds to ask her out. The dialogue is as follows:

Louis: "So, do you want to get dinner sometime?"

Tracy: "Louis, you're really nice, but I was in love with somebody a long time ago and he died."

Louis: "Oh, I'm sorry"

Tracy: "No, I'm sorry. It's silly, but it's like the first lottery ticket I ever bought was kaboom, jackpot, and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to win again, not like that anyway. So I don't generally buy lottery tickets anymore."

This is exactly how I feel and I'm almost positive this is the reason I'm so reserved in my current relationship. Actually, I'm pretty positive this feeling is the reason behind most things I do. 

For example, my current and I have had many downs! He's not perfect, nor have I ever claimed him to be. Please note that I'm not excusing previous behavior, but we're working through things and we'd appreciate support. We fight .. a lot! We think completely differently. We have completely different aspirations and completely different plans for the future. But he loves me! The closer I feel he gets, the more fights I pick and the faster I run. Why? Because I already won the lottery so obviously I'm just going to get hurt, right? I'm one of those old-fashioned, you-only-get-one kinda thinkers. I already had my one. There shouldn't be any more, right?

That's my thought! I don't know if Corey is right for me and if we're destined to be together, but how am I ever going to find out if I keep holding on to someone who isn't here? I'm not! Even with this realization, I can't seem to let Danny go. He's such a vital part of who I am and the person I want to be.

How do you let that go? How does one live life without that part of you? How does one give herself completely to another when part of her has died?

I don't know the answers to these questions. Nor do I know if a future relationship can be had with these questions unanswered. Then again, I always felt that when the right person came along ..things with him and I and Danny's memory would just work out.

I'm thoroughly upset though and thoroughly confused. My heart aches ..for comfort, closeness, closure, and peace. 

 Peace and Love, 

V

Mornin' Y'al!

Morning y'all! 

Happy Tuesday!

I can't begin to explain the joy and peace I woke up with this morning. Why am I so overwhelmed with happiness? It's the middle of the semester, I have a million and one things to accomplish today, and my love life is on the rocks.

So.

Why?

Because today is a simply beautiful day. I WOKE UP! I'm able to walk and talk and breathe on my own. The morning is gorgeous. The air is crisp and cool. The sun is breaking through the dark, night sky. I have food in my fridge and coffee on the counter.

I am BLESSED beyond measure!

Is everything perfect? Absolutely not.

Is everything going my way? Definitely not.

I'm alive though! I have the capability and opportunity to live. Do you know how many people are denied that opportunity? How many people are waking up today without the ability to breathe on their own, to speak, to move their own bodies? Millions!

I'm blessed with the ability to live life! So why shouldn't I be happy? Why shouldn't I get up at 6am to freeze on the patio and contemplate how great life is?

Today's a great day. We're all blessed to have it. So live it. Love it. Today will never come again!

Peace and Love

V

"Meal Prep Monday" ...went a smidge awry

Monday - The first day of the week. The day to plunge into the weekly task list.

Fortunately for me, I generally don't work Monday, which is absolutely amazing since it allows me adequate time to rest after the busy weekend, get a jump start on weekly assignments, and most of all meal prep!

Disclaimer: I use to be really, really, really into health. As in, I counted calories like it was my job, ensured I had well-balanced meals, etc. Then. Danny died. I know I go back to that marker in my life a lot, but that's when things changed. Anyhow, as of lately, my diet has consisted of take-out and fast food and it is taking me entirely too long to get back into a semi-healthy lifestyle. But never fear, I'm not the type to give up without a fight.

This weekend has been exceptionally "fall-like"; cooler weather, wind blowing, etc. This always throws me in the mood for southern comfort food. I've taken that concept and ran ...maybe a little too far. Then again, how wrong is pumpkin and chili? And if that's wrong, I don't think I wanna be right!

First on the list: PUMPKIN SPICE COFFEE CREAMER! I know this isn't really a "meal prep" item, but hello! PUMPKIN SPICE! It literally turns coffee into heaven. I swear, y'all. And at only 15 calories a pop, I'll take it!

Next, bring on the homemade apple butter. Don't dock me for the lack of "progress" pictures, I was in a hurry. It is delicious, though! Seriously, y'all. Swipe a tad on cinnamon raisin bagel thins and BAM! Go here to find the recipe.

Peanut Butter Dip - this can make the angels sing! Apples are in season so they already taste amazing. Add this to those apple slices and here you have a delicious 150 calorie snack. Now the whole wide world is jealous of you! Recipe

PUMPKIN SCONES! Amazing. Point. Blank. Period. Find the recipe here!

Finally, lets wrap up the weekly goodies with chicken chili and cornbread! Recipe

Now that meals and snacks are prepped and stored away, bring on the week! The headache that is nursing school. And the amazing satisfaction of caring for people who need my help!

Peace and Love

V